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Local Mom Paints Kitchen Cabinets a Trendy Sage Green In Attempt To Fill Gaping Void In Soul

sage green cabinets

Local woman Jessica O’Malley, age 39, embarked on a daring home renovation project this week, impulsively stripping and painting her kitchen cabinets a trendy shade of sage green in a desperate attempt to fill the gaping void in her soul.

“I saw this gorgeous kitchen on Pinterest and it just spoke to me,” sighed O’Malley, gazing longingly at the now bland green cabinets. “It was like, this is what I’ve been missing all along. A muted green color palette, like the 70’s, ya know?”

Friends and family, however, were less enthusiastic about the drastic change. “It looks like Shrek’s swamp exploded in there,” remarked Jessica’s husband, Steve, flatly. “But hey, at least you’re happy, honey.”

Jessica, emboldened by her newfound love for sage green everything, has already begun browsing Pinterest for inspiration for the living room, much to Steve’s silent dread. “I’m thinking a nice burnt umber accent wall,” Jessica dreamed, completely oblivious to Steve’s exaggerated eye rolls.

Experts say that Jessica’s behavior is a classic example of “aspirational doom scrolling,” a phenomenon where individuals browse social media incessantly in an attempt to buy or create their way out of existential dread. “Social media, especially platforms like Instagram, Facebook and Pinterest, are filled with curated images of picture-perfect lives,” explained Dr. Phil Erup, a psychologist specializing in consumer behavior. “People see these images and mistakenly believe that by replicating them, they can achieve the same level of happiness.”

At press time, Jessica was browsing gold fixtures to compliment her sage green decor.


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