The U.S. Army is taking drastic measures to address dwindling enlistment numbers, they have taken recruiting efforts to new heights, or rather, new lows. In a scene that resembled some sort of absurd parody, military… Read More »Desperate Army Recruiters Visit Preschool, Sign Hundreds of New Recruits Who Don’t Understand the Seriousness of their Decision
The Schwarz household plummeted into chaos last Sunday morning when Duncan Schwarz, renowned for his extensive toy collection surpassing the thousand mark, made a surprising declaration this morning. Despite possessing a plethora of toys ranging… Read More »Child Boldly Claims Broken Toy Coincidentally His Favorite One
Local pregnant woman, Jocelyn Bellee, has devised a genius plan to reclaim her time and sanity during pregnancy. Bellee, 29, has reportedly saved hundreds of hours by designing and printing pamphlets containing answers to the… Read More »Woman Saves Countless Hours by Printing Pamphlets of Frequently Asked Questions About Her Pregnancy
In a move that has women all over the world baffled and bewildered, Hanes has announced the release of men’s underwear with pockets, basically delivering a slap in the face to women everywhere. In an… Read More »Hanes Releases Men’s Pocketed Underwear, Seen as a Slap in the Face to Women Everywhere
Applebee’s Date Night Pass
The hopes of one large family has been plunged into a nightmare. Their mother’s recent purchase of an extra large mixing bowl has crushed their hopes of ever escaping the dreaded bowl haircut that all… Read More »Siblings in Shock as Mom Buys Extra Large Bowl, Shattering Dreams of Escaping Dreaded Bowl Haircut
In a suburban home strikingly similar to every other house on the block, local mom Karen Patterson has reportedly issued her 487th consecutive threat that she will undoubtedly not follow through. Witnesses report that it’s… Read More »“Stop or I’ll Say Stop Again!” Yells Mom Known for Empty Threats
Reports confirm that millions of children nationwide woke up at ungodly hours this morning, completely disregarding the extra hour of sleep afforded by the end of Daylight Savings Time. Instead, they took it upon themselves… Read More »Nation’s Parents Frustrated as Children Disregard Extra Hour of Sleep Due to Daylight Savings Time Ending
Not Me, an 8-year-old living in an undisclosed American suburb, is currently serving an estimated 30 life sentences of grounding after being blamed for broken windows, carpet stains, and holes in drywall in homes nationwide.… Read More »Unfortunate Child Named “Not Me” Accumulates 30 Life Sentences Worth of Grounding Due To Lying Children Nationwide
10-year-old Ollie Tabooger announced Monday that he is “absolutely going to fight back” against his older brother, 14-year-old Johnny Tabooger “once he’s had just 6 or 7 more beatings.” “Mark my words, I’m going to… Read More »Little Brother Declares He’ll Fight Back After Big Brother Beats Him Up Just 6 or 7 More Times
