Local pregnant woman, Jocelyn Bellee, has devised a genius plan to reclaim her time and sanity during pregnancy. Bellee, 29, has reportedly saved hundreds of hours by designing and printing pamphlets containing answers to the… Read More »Woman Saves Countless Hours by Printing Pamphlets of Frequently Asked Questions About Her Pregnancy
Local woman Jessica O’Malley, age 39, embarked on a daring home renovation project this week, impulsively stripping and painting her kitchen cabinets a trendy shade of sage green in a desperate attempt to fill the… Read More »Local Mom Paints Kitchen Cabinets a Trendy Sage Green In Attempt To Fill Gaping Void In Soul
Applebee’s Date Night Pass
Reports confirm that millions of children nationwide woke up at ungodly hours this morning, completely disregarding the extra hour of sleep afforded by the end of Daylight Savings Time. Instead, they took it upon themselves… Read More »Nation’s Parents Frustrated as Children Disregard Extra Hour of Sleep Due to Daylight Savings Time Ending
Local man Greg Kelly found himself in an existential crisis Thursday evening, wondering whether his yearly date night with wife Emily warranted tucking in his shirt. This comes amid rumors that he might default to… Read More »Husband Contemplates Whether Yearly Date Night Requires Tucked In Shirt
This new product in development has parents curious and diaper manufacturers scared. SC Johnson has announced the development of a groundbreaking new product: Ziploc diapers. Merging their mastery in airtight seal technology with the world… Read More »New Ziploc Diapers: Secret to Success or Hot Mess Express?
In a groundbreaking development, scientists have identified a newly discovered gene believed to contribute to a larger bone structure in some individuals, popularly referred to as being “big-boned.” This news has sparked excitement among sturdy,… Read More »Scientists Discover “Big Bone” Gene, Overweight Children Everywhere Rejoice
In a remarkable victory for the shadowy cabal of trophy manufacturers known as “Big Trophy,” an alleged child psychologist with questionable credentials has emerged in support of the practice of awarding participation trophies to all… Read More »“Big Trophy” Receives Huge Win in the Push to Sell Participation Trophies
In a stunning display of comedic ineptitude, a local child has been found to be exceptionally bad at improv during his playtime with friends. The seven year old child, whose name has been withheld to… Read More »Local Child Fails to Grasp “Yes, and” Improv Principle, Bores Playmates
