In a move that has women all over the world baffled and bewildered, Hanes has announced the release of men’s underwear with pockets, basically delivering a slap in the face to women everywhere.
In an era where women have been grappling with the pocket predicament for years, Hanes seems to have missed the memo. The company’s decision to provide men with the luxury of pockets in even more male clothing has left women pondering the inequality of men having access to cargo shorts while most of women’s clothing has no pockets at all.
The decision, according to Hanes CEO, Mike Brief, was inspired by the age-old struggle of men everywhere who have longed for a convenient place to stash their phone, vape, and perhaps even a small snack while laying on the couch in nothing but their undies. “Men’s underwear has been pocket-less for far too long,” Brief declared at a short press conference, “It’s time Hanes innovates in the field of pocketed undergarments.”
“It’s like Hanes is just mocking us women,” remarked Polly P. Oket, a self-proclaimed pocket enthusiast and founder of the advocacy group “Pocket Equality.” “Women have been pocket-deprived for far too long, and instead of rectifying the situation, Hanes is now making sure men can carry around their spare change and car keys in their underwear. What’s next? men’s pocket socks?”
In response to the uproar, Hanes has found an unexpected ally in the form of Tim Cargo, a self-proclaimed cargo shorts enthusiast and founder of the “Normalize Man Purses” movement. Tim argues that women should stop complaining about the lack of pockets and be grateful for purses. “Purses are like a bag of pockets that women get to carry around with them,” Tim proclaimed in a rebuttal video posted on his YouTube channel, “CargoKing99.” “Instead of whining about pockets, maybe women should appreciate the fashionable utility of purses. I mean, come on, ladies, you have the solution right there on your shoulder!”
As the battle between pockets and purses rages on, one thing is clear—Hanes has unintentionally thrust itself into the center of a gendered storage war, leaving everyone wondering whether the pocket revolution will ever truly find its way into women’s fashion.
