In a stunning display of comedic ineptitude, a local child has been found to be exceptionally bad at improv during his playtime with friends. The seven year old child, whose name has been withheld to protect his identity, has been reported to consistently fail at the fundamental concept of “yes, and,” leaving his playmates frustrated and bored.
According to sources close to the child, he has a habit of blocking instead of engaging in the collaborative back-and-forth that defines good improv. “He always says things like, ‘No, I don’t want to go to the zoo’ or ‘I’m not a pirate,'” expressed a frustrated playmate. “It’s like, come on, we’re pretending here! Can’t you use your imagination and go along with it?!”
The child’s lack of awareness also proves to be a source of frustration for his peers. “He just doesn’t grasp the comedic rule of threes,” lamented another playmate. “He’ll make a joke and then keep going and going, to the point where everyone loses interest and resorts to playing on their tablets. It’s painful to witness.” “His comedic timing is dreadful!” exclaimed a female member of the group. “He either rushes through without leaving room for laughs or waits so long that others start their lines. He never gets it right and has the audacity to yell at us?!”
Despite repeated efforts to coach the child in the basics of improv, such as watching reruns of “Whose Line Is It Anyway?” and attending Second City shows, he has shown minimal improvement. “We even attempted various improv exercises with him,” shared an exasperated playmate. “But he kept asking us yes-or-no questions. It felt like trying to improvise with a brick wall.”
The child’s parents could not be reached for comment, but sources close to the family suggest they are contemplating a move to Chicago to provide more opportunities for him to develop his skills. “They simply want him to have fun and enjoy himself,” explained one source. “However, they also don’t want him to embarrass himself in front of his friends anymore.”
