Reports confirm that millions of children nationwide woke up at ungodly hours this morning, completely disregarding the extra hour of sleep afforded by the end of Daylight Savings Time. Instead, they took it upon themselves… Read More »Nation’s Parents Frustrated as Children Disregard Extra Hour of Sleep Due to Daylight Savings Time Ending
Not Me, an 8-year-old living in an undisclosed American suburb, is currently serving an estimated 30 life sentences of grounding after being blamed for broken windows, carpet stains, and holes in drywall in homes nationwide.… Read More »Unfortunate Child Named “Not Me” Accumulates 30 Life Sentences Worth of Grounding Due To Lying Children Nationwide
10-year-old Ollie Tabooger announced Monday that he is “absolutely going to fight back” against his older brother, 14-year-old Johnny Tabooger “once he’s had just 6 or 7 more beatings.” “Mark my words, I’m going to… Read More »Little Brother Declares He’ll Fight Back After Big Brother Beats Him Up Just 6 or 7 More Times
There’s a up-and-coming political star that is making waves on the local level, 5-year-old Jerry Manders from Chicago, Illinois, has been identified as a lying prodigy with a skill set so advanced that he is… Read More »Jerry Manders, 5-Year-Old Prodigy Liar, Already Hailed as Future Political Star
Ticketmaster unveiled its revolutionary new “Pay-to-Play” daycare system today, in which parents can customize their child’s daily care experience based on a variety of subscription packages. “We believe in personalization,” said Tiffany Floyd, director of… Read More »Hugs for Sale: Ticketmaster’s New Daycare Turns Childcare Into a Pay-to-Play Experience
United Healthcare, one of the largest health insurance providers in the US, recently introduced a new loyalty program targeting families with children who are prone to ear infections. The program, called “Infectious Rewards,” promises to… Read More »United Healthcare Introduces Ear Infection Loyalty Card named “Infectious Rewards”
In a surprising and controversial move, the government has introduced a new national holiday that has left parents in a frenzy and employers infuriated. The holiday, officially known as “National Daycare Closure Day,” has caused… Read More »Government Declares National Daycare Closure Day – New Holiday to “Screw Over Parents”
In a remarkable victory for the shadowy cabal of trophy manufacturers known as “Big Trophy,” an alleged child psychologist with questionable credentials has emerged in support of the practice of awarding participation trophies to all… Read More »“Big Trophy” Receives Huge Win in the Push to Sell Participation Trophies
