In an unprecedented move, 13-year-old Brandon “Tired Bones” Hayden announced yesterday that he will be stepping down from his longstanding position as Commander and Chief of Chores. Citing reasons of fatigue, mental decline, and bad golf scores. Brandon does not have the power to appoint his successor but since he only has one sibling, his 10 year old sister Carmella is the only logical choice given such short notice.
The decision came after months of speculation and whispers around the dinner table about Brandon’s ability to maintain the rigorous standards of chore duty established during his tenure. Neighbors and family members alike have noted his frequent confusion, increase in naps and tendency to stare blankly at the wall.
Carmella, who has been serving as the backup chores officer, expressed her readiness to take on the new role. “I’ve been in training for years,” she said “I know I have some orthopedic shoes to fill, but I’m confident I can make our household clean again.”
Brandon’s resignation speech was met with mixed reactions. “It’s time for me to step aside and let the younger generation take over,” he mumbled, his voice barely audible. “I’ll still be around to golf from time to time, but it’s clear my best days of chores are behind me.”
Not everyone is convinced of Carmella’s ability to handle the new responsibility. “She’s got a lot of potential, but let’s not forget the time she fell out of the coconut tree,” commented Brandon’s best friend, Berrick.
Only time will tell if Carmella can live up to the tired and old expectations her predecessors set for her. For now, the Hayden household remains cautiously optimistic, hopeful that this change in leadership will usher in a new era of higher allowances and snack fairness.
